Allison Holker Read Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’ Journals After His Death

(US Weekly) – Allison Holker found closure after husband Stephen “tWitch” Boss‘ death by reading his journals.

“He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much,” Holker, 36, told People on Tuesday, January 7. “He didn’t want other people to take on his pain.”

Holker revealed that Boss alluded to being sexually abused by a male figure during his childhood in the entries. “Reading Stephen’s journals, and even going back into the books he had read and the things that he was highlighting and lining, really gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with,” she told the outlet.”It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding.”

“I was with one of my really dear friends, and we were cleaning out the closet and picking out an outfit for him for the funeral,” Holker said about the “cornucopia” of drugs including mushrooms, pills and “other substances” she had to look up after finding them hiding in Boss’ shoeboxes. “It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed.”

Holker found it “very alarming” but it allowed her to find clarity after Boss’ passing.

“There was so much happening that I had no clue [about],” she continued. “It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”